The typical American Christian is suffering from "affluenza"
If you're not familiar with this term, you've probably not watched US news lately (not that it's all that great and worth watching, by the way!). There's a kid whose accused of murder and his attorney's case is built on the fact that his well-to-do parents gave him everything he wanted and expected nothing from him. He is claiming that this young man is suffering from a bad case of affluenza and he should not be held responsible for his irresponsible behavior.
When I look at the consumer-centric model of Western church life today, it smacks of spiritual affluenza. The church leadership and the big services do all the work of ministry for the members, and all they need to do is be a faithful volunteer and keep the engine running smoothly with some money from their paycheck.
The level of ownership of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and sharing that Gospel message is definitely something every small groups pastor and lead pastor wants the members of their small groups to do... but they don't grab the baton and run with it. After a lot of hard work and probably a corporate push with a church-wide campaign, the leaders are left scratching their heads over why every effort to educate and mobilize small group members falls short.
I know I'm harping on various aspects of the big-box church in America, but it's where a majority of people are finding a affluenza-infested relationship with a church and God that doesn't require much. This is creating a house of cards that won't stand up to persecution, which is coming.
If you're reading this, don't let your small group members think that showing up is good enough. Ask each person who they are praying for to receive Christ and how often they're praying for that person and spending quality time with them. Be the "pebble in their shoe" to do what every believer should do naturally!
Showing posts with label evangelism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evangelism. Show all posts
American Churches: Why aren't your members personally reaching friends for Christ?
A few weeks back I asked a pointed question about relational evangelism on the Facebook page for small group leaders, hosted by one of the most prominent small group pastors and authors in the nation. He's not in the cell group stream, but the small group stream. I know this man and have a lot of respect for him and the church where he pastors. They water baptize small group members every single Sunday after services and have a solid discipleship pathway for new believers to follow. So I was hoping that this Facebook page would be filled with other small groups pastors who were replicating the health I see in his church.
I was careful to craft my question by asking if any of the 2000+ small group point persons who represent that page were seeing relational evangelism going on in their small groups and considered this "normal or ordinary" behavior (versus something that happened now and then or was extra-ordinary).
I clarified my question by stating that I was not referring "bring a friend Sunday" programs or inviting friends to big church services (not that there's anything wrong with this and I hope your church is doing it). I just wanted to get down to brass tacks: Are there any U.S. churches where relational evangelism is the way the local church is growing, verses crowd evangelism efforts?
After two days of zero responses, I replied to my own question, asking if the silence on the subject was as deafening to everyone else as it was to me. One small groups pastor replied saying they would love for this to be the norm, but it's not happening despite their best efforts on a leadership level.
It's not as if no one uses this Facebook page
Posts are made daily asking about campaigns that work best, training for hosts, best ways to get the visitors and congregations to sign up for a group, etc. And many others are answering them. But ask a question about relational evangelism and it's as if someone cut off the power to every small group pastor's laptop in the nation!
America, we have a problem!
First, we saw lots of smaller churches close their doors or become satellite locations for megachurches with a shiny lead pastor and his incredible way with words when on a mic in the pulpit. Then we saw most every megachurch look, feel, sound, smell, and taste the same no matter which denomination they belong to or where they're located as they copied what others were doing that was so attractive and retentive.
The hallmark of these big multi-site churches is being very good at pleasing the consumer Christian (if I may use this oxymoron). They've got amazing programs for children and youth and lots of self-help and self-improvement programs, which aren't bad in and of themselves. They just seem to keep people from seeing their primary purpose on earth front and center: to magnify the Lord Jesus Christ to everyone around them and anyone who will listen!
If you're reading this, for the love of God, help your small group members learn how to be a friend and reach a friend for Christ and disciple that person! This must become our driving passion in small group and cell group ministry in this country!
I was careful to craft my question by asking if any of the 2000+ small group point persons who represent that page were seeing relational evangelism going on in their small groups and considered this "normal or ordinary" behavior (versus something that happened now and then or was extra-ordinary).
I clarified my question by stating that I was not referring "bring a friend Sunday" programs or inviting friends to big church services (not that there's anything wrong with this and I hope your church is doing it). I just wanted to get down to brass tacks: Are there any U.S. churches where relational evangelism is the way the local church is growing, verses crowd evangelism efforts?
After two days of zero responses, I replied to my own question, asking if the silence on the subject was as deafening to everyone else as it was to me. One small groups pastor replied saying they would love for this to be the norm, but it's not happening despite their best efforts on a leadership level.
It's not as if no one uses this Facebook page
Posts are made daily asking about campaigns that work best, training for hosts, best ways to get the visitors and congregations to sign up for a group, etc. And many others are answering them. But ask a question about relational evangelism and it's as if someone cut off the power to every small group pastor's laptop in the nation!
America, we have a problem!
First, we saw lots of smaller churches close their doors or become satellite locations for megachurches with a shiny lead pastor and his incredible way with words when on a mic in the pulpit. Then we saw most every megachurch look, feel, sound, smell, and taste the same no matter which denomination they belong to or where they're located as they copied what others were doing that was so attractive and retentive.
The hallmark of these big multi-site churches is being very good at pleasing the consumer Christian (if I may use this oxymoron). They've got amazing programs for children and youth and lots of self-help and self-improvement programs, which aren't bad in and of themselves. They just seem to keep people from seeing their primary purpose on earth front and center: to magnify the Lord Jesus Christ to everyone around them and anyone who will listen!
If you're reading this, for the love of God, help your small group members learn how to be a friend and reach a friend for Christ and disciple that person! This must become our driving passion in small group and cell group ministry in this country!
Thought for the day
Radical Islam views Christianity as a threat and followers of Christ as the enemy, making them a target.
Each time I train Western Christians about relational evangelism (becoming genuine friends with people who are nothing like you) I get the feeling they feel the same way as the radical Muslims... Unbelievers are the enemy... And when the enemy is engaged, they must be targeted for conversion. No real relationship can be formed until they become born-again.
How prevalent is this mentality in your church?
Each time I train Western Christians about relational evangelism (becoming genuine friends with people who are nothing like you) I get the feeling they feel the same way as the radical Muslims... Unbelievers are the enemy... And when the enemy is engaged, they must be targeted for conversion. No real relationship can be formed until they become born-again.
How prevalent is this mentality in your church?
Creating a culture of discipleship in your groups
Yesterday, I was privileged to speak to a number of pastors in Saddleback's small group network concerning the ongoing need to develop more leaders for groups.
Most of the pastors listening in, if I'm not mistaken, launch groups through a group connect strategy or do campaigns a couple of times a year... while I don't hate these programmatic methods by any means, I highly prefer organic growth. My guess is that all the pastors forced to programmatically launch new groups feel the same way, but don't know how to get the ball rolling. So that was the basis for the conversation, recorded below.
http://www.freeconference.com/Recordings/ConferenceRecording-10543361-472579.mp3
If you click the link above, it should start streaming right away. There's a bunch of beeps at the beginning, signifying people coming onto the conference call.
If you want to listen to this later or on your iPod, right click on the link and choose "save link as" and download it.
Enjoy, and please share this link with other pastors you know who need some help to seed an organic discipleship movement within their groups and church.
Randall
Most of the pastors listening in, if I'm not mistaken, launch groups through a group connect strategy or do campaigns a couple of times a year... while I don't hate these programmatic methods by any means, I highly prefer organic growth. My guess is that all the pastors forced to programmatically launch new groups feel the same way, but don't know how to get the ball rolling. So that was the basis for the conversation, recorded below.
http://www.freeconference.com/Recordings/ConferenceRecording-10543361-472579.mp3
If you click the link above, it should start streaming right away. There's a bunch of beeps at the beginning, signifying people coming onto the conference call.
If you want to listen to this later or on your iPod, right click on the link and choose "save link as" and download it.
Enjoy, and please share this link with other pastors you know who need some help to seed an organic discipleship movement within their groups and church.
Randall
FREE Evangelism strategy!
The very first little booklet I wrote was a 16 pager called "Are you Fishing with a Net?"
I just rewrote it and thought I'd give it away considering things are so financially difficult for churches in this recession.
Download the PDF by clicking here
All I ask is that you forward the PDF to every pastor and small group leader you know. It's time to complete the mission!
-Randall
I just rewrote it and thought I'd give it away considering things are so financially difficult for churches in this recession.
Download the PDF by clicking here
All I ask is that you forward the PDF to every pastor and small group leader you know. It's time to complete the mission!
-Randall
Relational Evangelism, Rebooting for 2011
[I wrote a blog entry a few years ago for 2009 with a similar title, so I thought I'd recycle it since it's still a great concern for me and most every pastor I visit with in my consulting practice.]
Would you like your group members to be reaching friends for Christ through relational evangelism and discipling them as a part of group life between meetings?
Then prototype something this next year that you "roll out" in 2012...
Decide right now that you will not promote or appoint a group member to a place of leadership in 2012 if he or she has not personally led someone to Christ and spiritually mentored the person.
This is not rocket science. Groups that reach people for Christ are led by a godly man or woman who leads people to Christ and is passionate about personal evangelism.
I know what you're thinking. Sheesh! I will have ZERO new leaders if I made this a requirement!
So true. That's why you need to figure out how to develop those kinds of leaders in 2011 with the goal of making it one of your most basic requirements for group leadership in 2012.
If you accept this challenge, I believe it will change everything for you as a pastor of a smaller church or the small groups/cell groups pastor of a larger church. It will force you to do two things right away:
1. You will overhaul your member discipleship process (not just your leader training content) to include practical, experience-based training for evangelism.
2. You will quickly see that your role will change drastically when you are overtly spending time with next year's leaders and praying with them for their lost friends, meeting those lost friends whenever possible, and thinking evangelism first and foremost to see some movement in this area of group life.
What grade would you give yourself in this kind of leadership development for 2010? How can you raise it a grade level or two in 2011 so that 2012 and beyond can be the most powerful years of ministry you've ever experienced?
.
.
.
Would you like your group members to be reaching friends for Christ through relational evangelism and discipling them as a part of group life between meetings?
Then prototype something this next year that you "roll out" in 2012...
Decide right now that you will not promote or appoint a group member to a place of leadership in 2012 if he or she has not personally led someone to Christ and spiritually mentored the person.
This is not rocket science. Groups that reach people for Christ are led by a godly man or woman who leads people to Christ and is passionate about personal evangelism.
I know what you're thinking. Sheesh! I will have ZERO new leaders if I made this a requirement!
So true. That's why you need to figure out how to develop those kinds of leaders in 2011 with the goal of making it one of your most basic requirements for group leadership in 2012.
If you accept this challenge, I believe it will change everything for you as a pastor of a smaller church or the small groups/cell groups pastor of a larger church. It will force you to do two things right away:
1. You will overhaul your member discipleship process (not just your leader training content) to include practical, experience-based training for evangelism.
2. You will quickly see that your role will change drastically when you are overtly spending time with next year's leaders and praying with them for their lost friends, meeting those lost friends whenever possible, and thinking evangelism first and foremost to see some movement in this area of group life.
What grade would you give yourself in this kind of leadership development for 2010? How can you raise it a grade level or two in 2011 so that 2012 and beyond can be the most powerful years of ministry you've ever experienced?
.
.
.
Deep Friendship: Far too rare in the West
Most every day I visit with pastors whose members are too busy for friendships. In their world, it's all about the kids and managing a household and working a high-stress job to maintain a certain lifestyle without financial margin. It's quite evident that they think enjoying the company of others without an agenda is what the irresponsible or filthy rich do with their time.
This is jacked up. There's absolutely nothing right with the lifestyle or the mentality in which we Americans find ourselves. Plus, there's very little difference in values between those in the American church and those outside it.
Now think about your small group and how much more personally transformational it would be for the members if they valued friendship enough to actually invest in others and allow others to invest in them without an outlined agenda for their scheduled gatherings.
The western drive to attain that next level of status and personal comfort has systematically annihilated friendships, or that which God has set out to be the way the world will be reached for Christ.
At the risk of telling the cow how to eat the cabbage, I must state the obvious just in case it's not so obvious...
Small group relational evangelism will not occur if the members have no idea how to become a friend to someone (churched or unchurched), ask them for help in areas of life, help them out whenever possible, introduce them to their other friends who are far more than acquaintances, and do life together.
In fact, discipleship among believers won't happen either if deep friendships are not formed between small group members.
And I guess it goes without saying (but I will anyway) that new leaders for new groups will not be raised up if potential leaders have no relationship with their group's coach or pastor.
If you're wondering what to preach about next quarter so your members can discuss and apply it in their groups, why not go back to basics and challenge them to hold others in higher regard than themselves?
This is jacked up. There's absolutely nothing right with the lifestyle or the mentality in which we Americans find ourselves. Plus, there's very little difference in values between those in the American church and those outside it.
Now think about your small group and how much more personally transformational it would be for the members if they valued friendship enough to actually invest in others and allow others to invest in them without an outlined agenda for their scheduled gatherings.
The western drive to attain that next level of status and personal comfort has systematically annihilated friendships, or that which God has set out to be the way the world will be reached for Christ.
At the risk of telling the cow how to eat the cabbage, I must state the obvious just in case it's not so obvious...
Small group relational evangelism will not occur if the members have no idea how to become a friend to someone (churched or unchurched), ask them for help in areas of life, help them out whenever possible, introduce them to their other friends who are far more than acquaintances, and do life together.
In fact, discipleship among believers won't happen either if deep friendships are not formed between small group members.
And I guess it goes without saying (but I will anyway) that new leaders for new groups will not be raised up if potential leaders have no relationship with their group's coach or pastor.
If you're wondering what to preach about next quarter so your members can discuss and apply it in their groups, why not go back to basics and challenge them to hold others in higher regard than themselves?
Sympathy for the Devil
I was listening to classic rock today and a Rolling Stones tune called 'sympathy for the devil' came on. Reminded me of an article I wrote many years ago and published, but you've probably never read it's so old. So here it is. After you read it, you'll know why I titled this blog entry the way I did.
I’ve read dozens of evangelism strategies through the years. But, I’ve never seen an anti-evangelism strategy until I came across this. When I found it, I knew I had to share it with you. According to the author, this strategy is guaranteed to keep an entire planet of people from experiencing God’s love through Christians in small groups.
1) When interacting with friends, neighbors and co-workers, talk about your family, your job, the weather, your favorite sports team, the new restaurant you found or your increasing drive time to the office. Never mention that Jesus is your best friend and what He’s doing in and through you today, or that you have friends who are closer than a brother. Unbelievers would be jealous if they knew about this exclusive arrangement.
2) Whatever you do, don’t invite unbelievers to your group meetings, to Sunday services or over to your house when your Christian friends are present. Revision: Whatever you do, don’t spend time with unbelievers or believers who are pro-great commission. Create new plans to insulate yourself from the world by investing your free time with religious friends who feel nothing for the lost. An old Chinese proverb states “Choose your cohorts well, for they will be your destiny!”
3) If you feel obligated to serve someone in a way that could be considered an act of kindness, don’t tell them God prompted you to do it. Just perform the act with the attitude that they will owe you a big favor in the future and tell them you’ll be calling in that favor soon. Revision: If you feel obligated to serve someone, take a moment to think about all the really important stuff you have to do at work, around the house or for your family. This should help you see how really foolish you’d look ignoring your own needs over the needs of others. The only rule in this world is too look out for number one … no one else loves you as much as yourself.
4) Never tell a friend, neighbor and co-worker you will be praying for them (or pray with them) when they come to you with a problem. The favored response should be “My thoughts are with you.” If you do slip and say the word prayer, walk it off. Chances are you’ll forget to actually pray for the person within five minutes anyway … hard statistics aren’t available, but five minutes is the average time to forget a prayer request!
5) If you pray and talk to God, only ask Him for really cool stuff and personal needs. Just remember that praying for healing or miracles for your lost friends is absolutely not a part of this strategy. If you catch yourself naturally doing it, just take a deep breath and think about winning the lottery.
6) Set a good example for your children. If they don’t see you sacrificing time to be with lost people or let them hang around your house when you’re having “quality family time” you’re on the right track. This is solid modeling for a whole new generation of anti-evangelists who won’t need a strategy … it will be a normal lifestyle.
7) Talking about evangelism in your small group won’t hurt this strategy. It’s when you make plans and hold each other accountable for follow-through that makes it harmful. Praying for the lost when you gather is also very damaging to the cause, so avoid it and fill the evening with prayer for your own needs. Or, why not use your time together in your small group to plan picnics and parties just for yourselves? Go ahead, call them outreach events, but don’t actually invite any lost people or bring them along when you come. Better yet, don’t make any plans at all. Run from temptation!
8) Keep to yourself. Spending time with fellow group members during the week only leads to a heightened sense of community and you might run into lost people when you’re hanging out with them. If you’re not wearing out a set of batteries in your remote once a month, you are not investing enough time with your television.
8a) The “world wide waste of face-to-face” interaction (the Internet) is also a wonderful way to keep to yourself. Remember, you’re just three mouse clicks away from millions of great anti-God web sites!
9) Put a couple of bucks in the plate the next time a mission offering is taken. Feels counter productive, doesn’t it? Not so! Although it’s not “a widow’s mite” in your tax bracket, you can get a lot of mileage out of that small token. Missionaries don’t need much money to live in third world countries. And, with exchange rates being so high, they could probably take the whole family out to a movie for the price of your donation.
10) Ignore the call to small group leadership. You will be challenged to share your faith in this position and be a role model for others. No anti-evangelist could remain in this environment!
Yours truly,
The Prince of Darkness
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.
.
...thoughts, comments, angry rants about the author? Bring 'em on.
.
.
.
I’ve read dozens of evangelism strategies through the years. But, I’ve never seen an anti-evangelism strategy until I came across this. When I found it, I knew I had to share it with you. According to the author, this strategy is guaranteed to keep an entire planet of people from experiencing God’s love through Christians in small groups.
1) When interacting with friends, neighbors and co-workers, talk about your family, your job, the weather, your favorite sports team, the new restaurant you found or your increasing drive time to the office. Never mention that Jesus is your best friend and what He’s doing in and through you today, or that you have friends who are closer than a brother. Unbelievers would be jealous if they knew about this exclusive arrangement.
2) Whatever you do, don’t invite unbelievers to your group meetings, to Sunday services or over to your house when your Christian friends are present. Revision: Whatever you do, don’t spend time with unbelievers or believers who are pro-great commission. Create new plans to insulate yourself from the world by investing your free time with religious friends who feel nothing for the lost. An old Chinese proverb states “Choose your cohorts well, for they will be your destiny!”
3) If you feel obligated to serve someone in a way that could be considered an act of kindness, don’t tell them God prompted you to do it. Just perform the act with the attitude that they will owe you a big favor in the future and tell them you’ll be calling in that favor soon. Revision: If you feel obligated to serve someone, take a moment to think about all the really important stuff you have to do at work, around the house or for your family. This should help you see how really foolish you’d look ignoring your own needs over the needs of others. The only rule in this world is too look out for number one … no one else loves you as much as yourself.
4) Never tell a friend, neighbor and co-worker you will be praying for them (or pray with them) when they come to you with a problem. The favored response should be “My thoughts are with you.” If you do slip and say the word prayer, walk it off. Chances are you’ll forget to actually pray for the person within five minutes anyway … hard statistics aren’t available, but five minutes is the average time to forget a prayer request!
5) If you pray and talk to God, only ask Him for really cool stuff and personal needs. Just remember that praying for healing or miracles for your lost friends is absolutely not a part of this strategy. If you catch yourself naturally doing it, just take a deep breath and think about winning the lottery.
6) Set a good example for your children. If they don’t see you sacrificing time to be with lost people or let them hang around your house when you’re having “quality family time” you’re on the right track. This is solid modeling for a whole new generation of anti-evangelists who won’t need a strategy … it will be a normal lifestyle.
7) Talking about evangelism in your small group won’t hurt this strategy. It’s when you make plans and hold each other accountable for follow-through that makes it harmful. Praying for the lost when you gather is also very damaging to the cause, so avoid it and fill the evening with prayer for your own needs. Or, why not use your time together in your small group to plan picnics and parties just for yourselves? Go ahead, call them outreach events, but don’t actually invite any lost people or bring them along when you come. Better yet, don’t make any plans at all. Run from temptation!
8) Keep to yourself. Spending time with fellow group members during the week only leads to a heightened sense of community and you might run into lost people when you’re hanging out with them. If you’re not wearing out a set of batteries in your remote once a month, you are not investing enough time with your television.
8a) The “world wide waste of face-to-face” interaction (the Internet) is also a wonderful way to keep to yourself. Remember, you’re just three mouse clicks away from millions of great anti-God web sites!
9) Put a couple of bucks in the plate the next time a mission offering is taken. Feels counter productive, doesn’t it? Not so! Although it’s not “a widow’s mite” in your tax bracket, you can get a lot of mileage out of that small token. Missionaries don’t need much money to live in third world countries. And, with exchange rates being so high, they could probably take the whole family out to a movie for the price of your donation.
10) Ignore the call to small group leadership. You will be challenged to share your faith in this position and be a role model for others. No anti-evangelist could remain in this environment!
Yours truly,
The Prince of Darkness
.
.
.
...thoughts, comments, angry rants about the author? Bring 'em on.
.
.
.
Neighborhood outreach idea #1 - Foodie Connection
As Etna and I prayerfully move into house church planting, we've asked the Lord to give us new ways to connect with our neighbors. Yesterday, we got a blast of an idea from God (the first of many, I'm sure) and I wanted to share it with you. This will work great for anyone who wants to connect relationally to their neighbors, so it's not just for church planters... small group members can easily employ it!
"Foodie is an informal term for a particular class of aficionado of food and drink. The word was coined in 1981 by Paul Levy and Ann Barr, who used it in the title of their 1984 book The Official Foodie Handbook." (Wikipedia.com's definition)
The Foodie Connection Event
I watch the Food Channel all the time, and not just because Etna's watching it. I really enjoy seeing amazing cooks cook amazing food. And, the over-saturated colors on my plasma TV make my mouth water.
This got me to thinking that there's probably a LOT of people (men and women) that live near me that enjoy watching the Food Channel, making new dishes, and consuming new recipes with reckless abandon. So our plan is to throw a Foodie party in our back yard this fall when the temperature finally falls out of the 90-100 degree range. Here are the details:
We'll go door to door and give everyone a card with the info on it. We'll ask them to bring their favorite recipe on a 3 x 5 card and have 30 copies available for others with their name on it so folks know who to thank for the tasty recipe. They are also invited to create the dish on the recipe card to share with everyone.
We will not require anyone to bring a recipe or a dish, but our neighbors gladly participate!
The goal is to connect on a social level and use our gift of hospitality. This is gonna be fun! I'll come back to this blog entry and let you know what happened!
"Foodie is an informal term for a particular class of aficionado of food and drink. The word was coined in 1981 by Paul Levy and Ann Barr, who used it in the title of their 1984 book The Official Foodie Handbook." (Wikipedia.com's definition)
The Foodie Connection Event
I watch the Food Channel all the time, and not just because Etna's watching it. I really enjoy seeing amazing cooks cook amazing food. And, the over-saturated colors on my plasma TV make my mouth water.
This got me to thinking that there's probably a LOT of people (men and women) that live near me that enjoy watching the Food Channel, making new dishes, and consuming new recipes with reckless abandon. So our plan is to throw a Foodie party in our back yard this fall when the temperature finally falls out of the 90-100 degree range. Here are the details:
We'll go door to door and give everyone a card with the info on it. We'll ask them to bring their favorite recipe on a 3 x 5 card and have 30 copies available for others with their name on it so folks know who to thank for the tasty recipe. They are also invited to create the dish on the recipe card to share with everyone.
We will not require anyone to bring a recipe or a dish, but our neighbors gladly participate!
The goal is to connect on a social level and use our gift of hospitality. This is gonna be fun! I'll come back to this blog entry and let you know what happened!
Cell Symposium presentation
Here's my presentation from a few weeks ago at the Cell Symposium. It covers some of the topics in my book plus a bunch of observations about relational evangelism at approximately 22 minutes into the video...
The Three D's of receptivity to the Gospel
Over the long weekend, I was thinking about what brings a person to the point of decision to follow Christ abandoning his or her self-directed life. I'm sure there are a lot of reasons, but three come to mind as being the main reasons people fully turn their lives over to God:
Demise
When a person is faced with the end of their life through a terminal disease or an overwhelming fear of the hereafter, the individual is usually open to discussions about God's love and how to get into Heaven. No one wants to fry when they die, and many atheists have reconsidered their belief (or lack thereof) on their death bed.
Destiny
Another reason that brings people to a new openness to the Gospel is when they find their life has no meaning or their life is going nowhere. Everyone wants to leave their mark on the world and feel significant, and many begin a soulful search. I've got a friend who's in this situation right now. I met him years ago and he was not open to the Gospel. Over the weekend, we were at his home for dinner and he asked if we could pause before the meal so he could thank God for the food we were about to eat. I nearly fell out of my chair during the heartfelt prayer I was so excited for him.
Depravity
The third reason people will reach out to God for salvation is because they fully realize they need a Savior. In other words, they're fully in touch with their own wretchedness and sinful nature. Think of it this way... when you're drowning (and you know you're drowning) and someone throws you a rope, you don't examine the color of the rope or even the person on the other end attempting to save you. You're just thankful a rope appeared and you grab it.
If your non-Christian friend has not been diagnosed with stage four cancer or isn't pondering the afterlife or maintains a fear of it, they probably won't be all that interested in your beliefs of Heaven, which you've never personally experienced as of yet. You should ask them if they ever think about what happens after death to find out though. I've asked my lost friends about this and some have no idea, some don't care, some have whacky thoughts about what happens, and most then ask me why I asked. I simply reply, "Just wondering, that's all. We've never talked about it before." Unless they ask me to share my beliefs, I keep it to myself and let the Holy Spirit do his work. And he always does his work and never gives up on any soul.
If your non-Christian friend is not discussing their destiny, making their mark on the world, leaving a healthy legacy, and seems satisfied with the pursuit of wealth and possessions, you probably aren't going to make any spiritual headway by talking about the importance of a Christ-directed life. This does not mean that you can't share how fulfilling it is to serve others with Christ's love and partnering with God to do things that are making a difference in the world. You can also intercede for the person to discover a new level of life dissatisfaction with life and his or her current pursuits. Once again, sharing your own spiritual destiny building activities and prayer allow the Holy Spirit to do his work within your friend's heart and mind.
If your non-Christian friend does not think they need a savior, talking to them about Jesus dying on the cross so they could be saved is not going to be interesting or attractive to the person. However, if you are humble enough to talk of your own strong sense of depravity as a born-again Christian who is as thankful for Jesus' death on the cross today as you were when you made your decision for Christ, that may cause your lost friend to stop and think. Once again, the Holy Spirit starts working.
Your message of hope must be appropriate to the person hearing that message. Consider your lost friends and what to talk about when you're around them and you'll see spiritual movement!
Demise
When a person is faced with the end of their life through a terminal disease or an overwhelming fear of the hereafter, the individual is usually open to discussions about God's love and how to get into Heaven. No one wants to fry when they die, and many atheists have reconsidered their belief (or lack thereof) on their death bed.
Destiny
Another reason that brings people to a new openness to the Gospel is when they find their life has no meaning or their life is going nowhere. Everyone wants to leave their mark on the world and feel significant, and many begin a soulful search. I've got a friend who's in this situation right now. I met him years ago and he was not open to the Gospel. Over the weekend, we were at his home for dinner and he asked if we could pause before the meal so he could thank God for the food we were about to eat. I nearly fell out of my chair during the heartfelt prayer I was so excited for him.
Depravity
The third reason people will reach out to God for salvation is because they fully realize they need a Savior. In other words, they're fully in touch with their own wretchedness and sinful nature. Think of it this way... when you're drowning (and you know you're drowning) and someone throws you a rope, you don't examine the color of the rope or even the person on the other end attempting to save you. You're just thankful a rope appeared and you grab it.
If your non-Christian friend has not been diagnosed with stage four cancer or isn't pondering the afterlife or maintains a fear of it, they probably won't be all that interested in your beliefs of Heaven, which you've never personally experienced as of yet. You should ask them if they ever think about what happens after death to find out though. I've asked my lost friends about this and some have no idea, some don't care, some have whacky thoughts about what happens, and most then ask me why I asked. I simply reply, "Just wondering, that's all. We've never talked about it before." Unless they ask me to share my beliefs, I keep it to myself and let the Holy Spirit do his work. And he always does his work and never gives up on any soul.
If your non-Christian friend is not discussing their destiny, making their mark on the world, leaving a healthy legacy, and seems satisfied with the pursuit of wealth and possessions, you probably aren't going to make any spiritual headway by talking about the importance of a Christ-directed life. This does not mean that you can't share how fulfilling it is to serve others with Christ's love and partnering with God to do things that are making a difference in the world. You can also intercede for the person to discover a new level of life dissatisfaction with life and his or her current pursuits. Once again, sharing your own spiritual destiny building activities and prayer allow the Holy Spirit to do his work within your friend's heart and mind.
If your non-Christian friend does not think they need a savior, talking to them about Jesus dying on the cross so they could be saved is not going to be interesting or attractive to the person. However, if you are humble enough to talk of your own strong sense of depravity as a born-again Christian who is as thankful for Jesus' death on the cross today as you were when you made your decision for Christ, that may cause your lost friend to stop and think. Once again, the Holy Spirit starts working.
Your message of hope must be appropriate to the person hearing that message. Consider your lost friends and what to talk about when you're around them and you'll see spiritual movement!
From cynic to seeker
For twelve years, I've interacted with a guy who grew up Catholic and had no interest in spiritual matters. My best guess is that money was his god, for he salted away every dime he made and invested it in the stock market. 2001 was rough for him because he lost nearly a half a million dollars in the market after 9/11 when the tech bubble burst, dragging down everything else that was non-tech related. It took him nearly five years to get it back with careful investing. Then, when he was finally back to his 2000 financial condition, another recession began and he's not nearly as wealthy as he was two years ago (like most everyone else, I guess!)
I'm not sure if having his financial rug repeatedly ripped out from under him repeatedly has caused him to become a seeker or if it has to do with the fact that he will be eligible for early retirement in a couple of years. But something's changed.
A while back, I blogged about the principles of relational evangelism. I've been practicing those principles with him for a long time and I'm finally seeing some movement on his part toward a deeper understanding of God and just how much God loves my friend.
Refrigerator rights? Check! We take stuff out of each other's fridge at least once a month on a regular basis.
Bi-directional servantood? Check! We do favors for one another two to three times a month.
Cross-pollination? Check! He spends time with my Christian friends and I am spending time with his friends and neighbors.
Genuine friendship? Check! I truly believe my friend would call me a friend as well. We both have unconditional love for one another.
Yesterday, I was invited to say the blessing over the Easter lunch he and his live-in girlfriend of many, many years threw for friends and neighbors. Then, he told me he read The Shack and was re-reading The Purpose Driven Life (He went through the 40 days of purpose with me years ago but said he never genuinely read the book).
What's next?
I will invite my friend (again) to both my lifegroup and to our church's corporate gatherings. One will pique his interest at this point in his process and lead to involvement in the other.
Oddly enough, both my wife and I thought his girlfriend would be the first to come to Christ because she's been open to the message and the messenger for many years, but has never been interested enough to take the next step. Both God and people surprise me all the time, yet I still try to guess at who will do what by when like my dog does when she thinks we're going somewhere in the car and she is invited.
The last few Easter weekends have been times of deep thankfulness for what Christ did for me. This Easter was exciting as well as meaningful. Keep an eye on my blog and I will keep you updated on my friend's journey toward the cross. And, let me encourage you to review the principles of relational evangelism with the small group members in your church. Encourage them to be a genuine friend and overlap that friendship with the person's friends and the Christian's friends as well and move it to the next level of relationship and let the Holy Spirit do his part.
In 8 Habits of Effective Small Group Leaders, Dave Earley wrote something that permanently changed my way of thinking about evangelism:
"Win them as a friend. Then win them to your group as a friend. Then they'll be won to Christ."
.
.
.
I'm not sure if having his financial rug repeatedly ripped out from under him repeatedly has caused him to become a seeker or if it has to do with the fact that he will be eligible for early retirement in a couple of years. But something's changed.
A while back, I blogged about the principles of relational evangelism. I've been practicing those principles with him for a long time and I'm finally seeing some movement on his part toward a deeper understanding of God and just how much God loves my friend.
Refrigerator rights? Check! We take stuff out of each other's fridge at least once a month on a regular basis.
Bi-directional servantood? Check! We do favors for one another two to three times a month.
Cross-pollination? Check! He spends time with my Christian friends and I am spending time with his friends and neighbors.
Genuine friendship? Check! I truly believe my friend would call me a friend as well. We both have unconditional love for one another.
Yesterday, I was invited to say the blessing over the Easter lunch he and his live-in girlfriend of many, many years threw for friends and neighbors. Then, he told me he read The Shack and was re-reading The Purpose Driven Life (He went through the 40 days of purpose with me years ago but said he never genuinely read the book).
What's next?
I will invite my friend (again) to both my lifegroup and to our church's corporate gatherings. One will pique his interest at this point in his process and lead to involvement in the other.
Oddly enough, both my wife and I thought his girlfriend would be the first to come to Christ because she's been open to the message and the messenger for many years, but has never been interested enough to take the next step. Both God and people surprise me all the time, yet I still try to guess at who will do what by when like my dog does when she thinks we're going somewhere in the car and she is invited.
The last few Easter weekends have been times of deep thankfulness for what Christ did for me. This Easter was exciting as well as meaningful. Keep an eye on my blog and I will keep you updated on my friend's journey toward the cross. And, let me encourage you to review the principles of relational evangelism with the small group members in your church. Encourage them to be a genuine friend and overlap that friendship with the person's friends and the Christian's friends as well and move it to the next level of relationship and let the Holy Spirit do his part.
In 8 Habits of Effective Small Group Leaders, Dave Earley wrote something that permanently changed my way of thinking about evangelism:
"Win them as a friend. Then win them to your group as a friend. Then they'll be won to Christ."
.
.
.
Coaching: How to gently nudge a group to reach out
Friday night one of our new lifegroup leaders invited my wife and I over for dinner. What a wonderful evening! We enjoyed a fantastic meal together and talked and laughed for hours.
Just before we left, I asked both the husband and wife to tell me if they were enjoying leading their new group (2 months old now), if any future leaders were emerging from the existing membership, and if they had experienced any conflict yet. (BTW, everyone's peachy right now. It's obvious they're still in the honeymoon or forming stage.)
Before we left, Etna and I told them we'd visit their group in three or four weeks' time. I asked the couple if it would be appropriate to ask the group members why they thought God had brought them together and what their plans for outreach to unchurched people might be so we could pray for them and support them as their coach. The leaders thought this would be great because it would be very challenging for this brand new group of people who had yet to think of anyone outside their little spiritual family.
In this instance, our role as the coaching team over this new group is to "stir things up" and challenge them in non-threatening way. Will the members have anything to report to us? Probably not... but that's the point. The idea here is to ask some challenging questions to which I already know the answer ("um, er, uh, we've never really talked about that before") so the leaders can then come back and say, "Randall and Etna asked some really challenging questions last week. They'll visit again in a month or so and I would love it if we had some solid plans in the works. Let's pray about what we should be doing to connect with unchurched people this week and see what God tells us to do."
The role of the coach is quite often to challenge the group to be more than they are today. Doing that in strategic and encouraging ways takes effort, but it's worth it.
If you coach groups, be sure to visit your groups when they meet and ask them what their plans are for outreach to unchurched friends, family members, and coworkers or classmates. If you are a pastor over groups, ask your coaches if they are doing this and taking notes as to what the groups are doing (or not doing).
This kind of gentle prodding makes all the difference and is typically the kind of thing most every group needs to grow.
Just before we left, I asked both the husband and wife to tell me if they were enjoying leading their new group (2 months old now), if any future leaders were emerging from the existing membership, and if they had experienced any conflict yet. (BTW, everyone's peachy right now. It's obvious they're still in the honeymoon or forming stage.)
Before we left, Etna and I told them we'd visit their group in three or four weeks' time. I asked the couple if it would be appropriate to ask the group members why they thought God had brought them together and what their plans for outreach to unchurched people might be so we could pray for them and support them as their coach. The leaders thought this would be great because it would be very challenging for this brand new group of people who had yet to think of anyone outside their little spiritual family.
In this instance, our role as the coaching team over this new group is to "stir things up" and challenge them in non-threatening way. Will the members have anything to report to us? Probably not... but that's the point. The idea here is to ask some challenging questions to which I already know the answer ("um, er, uh, we've never really talked about that before") so the leaders can then come back and say, "Randall and Etna asked some really challenging questions last week. They'll visit again in a month or so and I would love it if we had some solid plans in the works. Let's pray about what we should be doing to connect with unchurched people this week and see what God tells us to do."
The role of the coach is quite often to challenge the group to be more than they are today. Doing that in strategic and encouraging ways takes effort, but it's worth it.
If you coach groups, be sure to visit your groups when they meet and ask them what their plans are for outreach to unchurched friends, family members, and coworkers or classmates. If you are a pastor over groups, ask your coaches if they are doing this and taking notes as to what the groups are doing (or not doing).
This kind of gentle prodding makes all the difference and is typically the kind of thing most every group needs to grow.
Relational Evangelism. Rebooting for 2009
It's always good to "reboot" your computer from time to time to set everything straight and clear out the "digital cobwebs" from the operating system. I thought I'd do the same with my current thinking and practices about sharing my faith with my unchurched/non-believing friends.
I encourage you to forward this blog entry to your leaders and group members so they too can "reboot" for 2009 and be far more successful in helping friends find a genuine relationship with God through Christ, our Lord!
1. Create a true friendship. The goal is to show God’s unconditional love and be a true friend. Show them you love them regardless of their current or future beliefs and let the Holy Spirit do his work. They’re not a “project.”
2. Be real. Real friends show their weaknesses and are not too proud to ask others for help. Show the person that you want a genuine friendship that is characterized by “bi-directional” servanthood.
3. Cross-pollinate. Involve other believers in your friendship with your unchurched friend. It may be just what the person needs to see what following Christ looks like from different perspectives.
4. Treat them like a Christian if they claim to believe. Many Americans think they’re a Christian because they believe in God’s existence, so don’t hesitate to ask them to pray for you like you would a fellow group member. In other words, call their spiritual bluff and see what happens! This builds contrast for the unchurched person.
5. Give AND take refrigerator rights in the home of your unchurched friends. Many Christians claim to have friendships with the lost, but they rarely have the person in their home or are a guest in the home of the unchurched person. If you want to make a huge impact on a lost person, simply invite them to your house frequently and give them refrigerator rights. When they do the same for you in their home, you have reached a level of relationship that few people have in America... and God will use it powerfully to bring them to the cross. Trust me on this one.
6. Pray for yourself as much as you pray for them. Ask Christ to shine through you in powerful ways and give you his love and vision for your friend (vs. just asking God to convict your friend of their sins!)
I encourage you to forward this blog entry to your leaders and group members so they too can "reboot" for 2009 and be far more successful in helping friends find a genuine relationship with God through Christ, our Lord!
1. Create a true friendship. The goal is to show God’s unconditional love and be a true friend. Show them you love them regardless of their current or future beliefs and let the Holy Spirit do his work. They’re not a “project.”
2. Be real. Real friends show their weaknesses and are not too proud to ask others for help. Show the person that you want a genuine friendship that is characterized by “bi-directional” servanthood.
3. Cross-pollinate. Involve other believers in your friendship with your unchurched friend. It may be just what the person needs to see what following Christ looks like from different perspectives.
4. Treat them like a Christian if they claim to believe. Many Americans think they’re a Christian because they believe in God’s existence, so don’t hesitate to ask them to pray for you like you would a fellow group member. In other words, call their spiritual bluff and see what happens! This builds contrast for the unchurched person.
5. Give AND take refrigerator rights in the home of your unchurched friends. Many Christians claim to have friendships with the lost, but they rarely have the person in their home or are a guest in the home of the unchurched person. If you want to make a huge impact on a lost person, simply invite them to your house frequently and give them refrigerator rights. When they do the same for you in their home, you have reached a level of relationship that few people have in America... and God will use it powerfully to bring them to the cross. Trust me on this one.
6. Pray for yourself as much as you pray for them. Ask Christ to shine through you in powerful ways and give you his love and vision for your friend (vs. just asking God to convict your friend of their sins!)
What I'm reading... and writing
I am currently reading an excellent book by the Dave Workman, lead pastor of the Cincinnati Vineyard. It's a collection of 2 minute radio scripts he wrote for a daily broadcast he does to help believers adopt and expand an outward focused life.
I'm about a third of the way through it and it's hitting home with me in a number of places. In fact, last night I read two of them to Etna... which I do not usually do!
It's written as a general reading book, but makes for an excellent daily devotional for small group members and leaders. I highly recommend this book. Makes a great gift for a new believer, or a "toilet tank reader" for the person who will read a page a day but not a whole book in a week or less like a pastor might do.
(BTW, if you click below to buy it from amazon.com, my ministry will get a little referral fee and it won't cost you any extra.)
This afternoon, I'm wrapping up my prep work for a training weekend in Melbourne, Florida. I'll work with Calvary Church's coaches on Friday night and core teams from many of their small groups on Saturday. On Friday night, I'll give each of the coaches a self-assessment tool I just developed, which I wanted to share with you...
The Small Group Coach's Self-Assessment
Feel free to download it and print it for use in your church. (Right click on the link above to save it to your computer. Or, if you want to view it, just click the link and the PDF should load in your browser).
One word of caution though... it's not a "nice" assessment. After I designed it I took it myself (because I'm a coach over 3 groups at the Houston Vineyard) and wow, do I have a lot to work on to get my numbers up to where they should be. So, do your coaches a favor and take it yourself before you give it to them so you can preface the gift of the tool with a spoon full of mercy and grace.
I'm about a third of the way through it and it's hitting home with me in a number of places. In fact, last night I read two of them to Etna... which I do not usually do!
It's written as a general reading book, but makes for an excellent daily devotional for small group members and leaders. I highly recommend this book. Makes a great gift for a new believer, or a "toilet tank reader" for the person who will read a page a day but not a whole book in a week or less like a pastor might do.
(BTW, if you click below to buy it from amazon.com, my ministry will get a little referral fee and it won't cost you any extra.)
This afternoon, I'm wrapping up my prep work for a training weekend in Melbourne, Florida. I'll work with Calvary Church's coaches on Friday night and core teams from many of their small groups on Saturday. On Friday night, I'll give each of the coaches a self-assessment tool I just developed, which I wanted to share with you...
The Small Group Coach's Self-Assessment
Feel free to download it and print it for use in your church. (Right click on the link above to save it to your computer. Or, if you want to view it, just click the link and the PDF should load in your browser).
One word of caution though... it's not a "nice" assessment. After I designed it I took it myself (because I'm a coach over 3 groups at the Houston Vineyard) and wow, do I have a lot to work on to get my numbers up to where they should be. So, do your coaches a favor and take it yourself before you give it to them so you can preface the gift of the tool with a spoon full of mercy and grace.
Relational Evangelism
[I invested a few minutes this afternoon to peruse the topics I've blogged about recently to insure I didn't bore you, dear reader, with a a rehash of anything I might have shared previously. By doing this, it hit me like a ton of bricks... I've not shared my recent "aha!" moments about relational evangelism strategies! Wahoo! OK, it's not quite exciting enough for a "wahoo" but it did make me happy to know I had something new and enlightening to share with you today.]
For many years, I have encouraged my small groups to create and use a "blessing list." This is simply a large piece of paper taped to a wall in the room where we meet, on which is written our initials and the first name of an unchurched friend or relative who lives within an easy driving distance of our group meetings and member's homes.
[Note: I never call them "God's hit list" or "God's top ten most wanted" because words are powerful. We use "blessing list" because when one of the people on the list shows up to group meetings and sees a list with or without their name on it, I want them to know we are asking God to bless the people on the list, not label them in any way or make them feel like a target needing an arrow or bullet through it.]
Our blessing lists have been productive in keeping the names of our friends in our face each week so we can pray for them. However, it's ended there for the most part because the churches I've been involved in are not truly evangelistic nor relational, so asking members to be relationally evangelistic is exponentially more difficult.
This spring, we put up a new, clean blessing list on the wall and I decided to do it totally differently. Here's what we're doing now that's far more effective than anything we've done in the past...
Step One: Put the list on the wall and leave it blank for a couple of weeks. I asked the group members to break up into pairs of 2-3 and pray for God's name for the list, not the person we might put on the list from the top of our heads.
Step Two: I asked the group to break up into 2's and pray for themselves, asking God to give them his eyes and heart for whomever should be put on the list.
Step Three: Everyone put one name on the list, and as they wrote the name, they were to tell the group one very cool thing about their friend's character. I cautioned the group members NOT to tell the group why they needed Jesus so badly... ie, they are a wife beater, like to drink heavily, cuss like a sailor, or have a bad temper... these things are gossip and do nothing to make other members of the group want to get to know them.
Step Four: I asked the group members to share an interest, hobby, or area of expertise that the person on the list possesses. Then, we took time to discuss how we could "overlap" our lives with that person based on one or more of these things.
Step Five: We planned a picnic and invited everyone on the list. Two showed up, and that's a good start in my book. We'll do a lot more fun stuff to connect with folks on the list as a big group through the summer months.
Step Six: As the "outward captain" of my group, I am now visiting with each member to help them plan an activity or meeting with their friend from the list and someone from the group to cross-pollinate relationships between unchurched friends or relatives and group members.
Dave Earley, a wonderful author and pastor, wrote this in 8 Habits of Effective Small Group Leaders:
"First, win them as a friend. Then, win them to your group members as friends. And finally, you will win them to Christ."
Relational evangelism is something that Americans simply do not do naturally. One must take a small group of believers by the hand and walk them into it as a group and as individuals to prove to them that they have a personal mission in life and can and will be powerfully used by God to influence others to Christ.
What relational evangelism strategies are you using that move small group members into missional living? I'd love to hear about them to add to my arsenal :)
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